Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
