I'm drive I can fine osifer
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
