Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
