Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
