You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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