I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
