you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
