just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
