So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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