I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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