Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
