i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i came on her dog
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
