sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
