I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
