i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
