he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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