drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
