I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
