Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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