forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
