you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
