he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is my gift to your gina
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
as a side note pls kill me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
