I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
