I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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