2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
