So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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