I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
