i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
