I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
