She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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