I faked an abortion last night.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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