it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
