Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
