I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
