I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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