If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
