I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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