if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
