The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
