New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
