CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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