I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
