Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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