but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
