I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
