Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
