im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
