Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
