Yo dont text me then not text me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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