I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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