piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
