Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
