I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
